Ever since I arrived to Honduras my biggest prayer was for God to use me as He saw fit, that I would trust Him no matter the circumstance, and He would continue to break my heart in the best way for His children. This has not been easy as 2016 was one of the most challenging yet rewarding years I have come to face.
This past year I watched kids come into the crisis care center and then be sent back to the abuse they were so desperately trying to escape. I held children whose parents had been killed right in front of them. I wept with teenagers as they shared their story and started to come to a place of healing. I rocked abandoned babies to sleep as I rested in the fact that they are now safe.
I wrestled with the reality of being a foster mom to four girls at the age of 21. I compared myself to my friends back at home. I secretly wanted the college life. I missed America, speaking English, and going out with my friends. I lived in a space of longing for my old life.
I knew I was called to Honduras. I knew God had a purpose for my life. And I knew He had a purpose for me at Legacy of Hope. But there were so many things I questioned, including why I was chosen to do this job as my doubts and insecurities felt consuming at times. I couldn’t begin to understand why God trusted me with these children’s hearts.
As I gave God my questions, He started to give me answers.
God brought me back me to the moment I knew He had called me to Honduras. He brought me back to the moment I first arrived at Legacy of Hope Foundation to start my two year commitment. The excitement I felt, the passion within my soul, the drive to push through the hard moments. The confidence I had in Him, ready to take on any circumstance that came my way.
You see… I believe that God equips the called, but I had forgotten that.
In the midst of the chaos I had forgotten that He has called me and equipped me. I had let my anxiety, fear, and negative thoughts take over. I had let Satan attack me to the very core.
I have come to the realization that overtime it is easy to forget the moment God called you. It is easy to feel like your running a race that will never end. It’s easy to loose sight of the path that has been set before you. But I challenge you to give God your questions and doubts, just as I gave Him mine. Because I promise what He will reveal to you will be greater than anything you have ever imagined.
Don’t get me wrong. I love this place. I love speaking Spanish. I love waking up every morning to four little smiling faces. I love running the crisis care center and seeing kids come from a place of brokenness to a place of healing. I love this job.
What I’m trying to get at this is… The devil knows when and how to attack us, he goes for what we love and cherish, he can change our thoughts and perspectives against what we love the most. He attacks us in our weakest moments.
· He plants doubts and lies (Gen. 3)
· He fights against your faith (Eph 6:12)
· He will try to take you down through pride (1 Pet 5:6-8)
· He will try to cripple your faith through fear (2 Cor 4:8-9)
· He will try to sidetrack you with worldly things. (1John 2:15-16)
Through prayer and wise counsel God has revealed so many things to me. He has showed me His goodness, His unrelenting love, and His plans for my life. I still have hard days of insecurities, anxieties, and doubts. But with time I have learned how to pray through that.
I gave God my insecurities and He gave me his confidence.
I gave God my anxieties and He gave me his peace.
I gave God my doubts and He showed me his grace.
2016 was one of the most challenging yet rewarding years of my life, but I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything in this world. As that’s how I learn best, through my failures and weaknesses.
But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10