Broken in the Best Way

 

This morning I come to all of you broken hearted and once again humbled by my God. Last night after returning from church I came upstairs to find one of the boys laying on the floor crying. I approached him and knelt down to ask what had happened, assuming one of the other boys had taken something of his or I had just missed a fight that had broken out. This precious boy named Anthony continued to tell me he was remembering the death of his mother. Needless to say tears immediately came to my eyes, I was speechless. I sat down with him held him in my arms and just cried with him. As I held him in my arms with his head on my chest I just felt this precious child’s pain so immensely. I was broken in the best way, my heart was just destroyed for the Kingdom of God. I just sat there humbled, broken, and quite. I haven’t felt God’s presence that strong since I have been here, all I could do was cry. I felt God just quietly whisper to me “Sophia your problems are so small”. These children, my children, have nothing and I have everything. The water has not been working, there is no air-conditioning, my wifi never works, the only time I don’t sweat is in the shower, and I have had only bread for more than one meal. Why I think this is a problem, I don’t know. But what I do know is I am a disgusting human being without my God. This morning I am not only coming to all of you broken and humbled, but with a heavy heart. This world is so broken and in need of Jesus. I have made a stand to be his hands and feet, sacrificing myself every day for His Kingdom. I want to challenge all of you to take a stand with me to change this world for Christ. Rather that is on your campus, in your workplace, throughout your home, or in your own heart. Reach out to the broken, help the needy, feed the hungry, chase after Christ, and pursue his plan for your life. Because I can promise you it will be so much better then any of your own plans will ever be. What I am not… I am not perfect, I am not completely humbled, and I am not without sin. I am nothing without Jesus. All I can do is laugh at myself sometimes, I think about myself trying to mix powered peanut butter with sink water, and stir it with a broken hanger. I try to speak Spanish and all the boys do is look at me like I’m from another planet. When I go to kiss the kids good night, and I trip over the fan cord almost every time. How I get so frustrated when one of the boys refuses to get out of bed. That I get mad at the kids when they scream my name just for attention. The fact that when I find one of the boys remembering the death of his mother, all I can do is sit with him and cry. I am not a lot of things, but what I am is human. 

 Anthony, 12 years old

Anthony, 12 years old