Puzzle Pieces

Have you ever sat back thought about your life? All the people who have entered, the people who have exited, and the experiences that have made you who you are today? Well, this morning as I did my quite time, my life up until this point was all I could think about. My mistakes, my past, the people God has given me, the people He has taken away, and ultimately the experiences that have made me who I am today. A question I am constantly asked is, “what are you going to do next?” My response normally consists of three words, “I don’t know.” What normally follows that is a blank stare or a “well, you will eventually figure it out.”  Which is true, I will eventually figure it out, I will eventually know what I am suppose to do next. My senior year of high school, God spoke to me so clearly, so powerfully, and so mightily, I knew I just had to drop everything and leave.  So here I am, seeking His will again. For all of you who are wondering, I don’t know what I am going to do after this year. But what I do know is my life is in His hands and there is no better feeling then that. The one who created the earth, and put everything into being has my life in His hands! That makes me speechless, humbled, and breaks my heart in the best way. I will always be transparent. Not knowing, scares me and makes me want to take matters into my own hands. I look at these beautiful boys and want to stay with them forever, but if that’s not Gods will, I will pick everything up and move where He calls me. The real question I ask myself is, why is it so hard to trust in God? Once again those three words come back to my mind, “I don’t know.” But what I do know is I crave that trust, I crave a relationship with him that is so strong I never doubt, I crave a passion for my God that is so powerful I could change the world with a snap of my fingers.  But then I wouldn’t be human, then I wouldn’t have to crawl back to Him on my knees every day, then I wouldn’t have to seek Him and His will. One of my many flaws is I hold onto things so tight. Sometimes, so tight I wont give it to God, I have this attitude problem you see…. Something to the extent of I think I can do everything myself. Surprise right? Not really for those of you who know me well. I think of all the people I have held onto so tight and God just took them right out of my hands. I think about the plans I had to go to college and God just turned my whole life around. I think about my first mission trip to Haiti, when God ripped my heart right out of my chest.  Being on mission is hard, being alone in a foreign country is terrifying, actually. I think about the pieces of my life, at first I didn’t understand why. I didn’t know why none of my relationships worked out, I didn’t know why all my test scores were so low, I didn’t know why I cried all the way back from Haiti. God is good, he is Sovereign, He is just, His ways are perfect, and His plans are far beyond anything I could imagine. The best thing I ever did was pick everything up and leave. The best thing I ever did was end unhealthy relationships. The best thing I could ever, and will ever do, is dedicating my life to the least of these. Be a mother to the motherless, be an advocate to the helpless, be a voice for the unheard. Stand up, get out of your comfort zone, and change the world. Because, I can promise you it is the best decision you will ever make. Whether it’s going out into the world, or right there in your own community. Make the stand for Christ because he made the ultimate stand for us. My God is good and His love is great. Just an update on me, God has put some people in my path with visions, hopes, and a passion for the country of the Dominican Republic with a call to orphan care. I trust that God will lead me in His path and not my own. Please partner with me in prayer, as I start to really pray and seek the Lord for what to do after this year.  As for the boys, they are doing great. They leave on a vacation to visit with distant relatives and family members December 25- January 7th.  Thank you for all you do and the support you give.